Ben Iyoha

You think you know everything about a woman until you came across these three phrases… Well, you perceptibly may have come across one or more and who knows maybe all three but I bet not the context at which the expression is deemed here. 
Perhaps, the business of totally understanding a woman in my opinion is divine and should be left to God, nevertheless I specifically chose to consciously take away some of such burden with this social analysis and atypical categorization of a woman.

Mustering courage to write about women had made me turbid. Though I was totally certain of what I wanted to accomplish, which is critiquing how the female folk choose to appear in relationships.

People express themselves in fluid manners. You can read all the ethical, character building, marriage structuring, motivational and relationship mending books on the shelf; but as soon as you drop that book if you don’t understand the innate character of people and why they do what they do you'll be back to your default setting. This is why I strongly believe changing a person’s character is not always as easy as changing a person’s dress sense, grammar or size, and if you need to understand a woman? You need first categorize them.

THE MAELSTROM – If she’s a president or a prime minister she’ll probably be Margaret Thatcher, if she’s a movie character she undoubtedly may be Elizabeth Shawn Turner in the Pirate of the Caribbean, if she advertently is a music star she’ll be Missy Elliot or Lady Gaga, if you searched for a character like hers in the bible she’ll be Salome (the woman who asked for the head of John the Baptist) or Delilah. She’s no way a drama queen SHE IS THE DRAMA and not a queen.

A maelstrom is that lady that walks into your living room and soon she tutors you about were not to hang the wall frame and queries your choice of color, she tells you what she wants and not what you choose to offer her on her first visit; she’s not the kind of girl you can pick and drop like an item on and off your shopping cart.

What strikes about these set of individuals is their ability to be tempestuous, they hardly give up and they appear the most jealous of all female-kind. Being in her life is like jumping into a whirlpool were you immediately sink into the nethermost, trying to jump out is like wishing you were a penguin. Love for a maelstrom is not always about romance, some are masochist and those who aren’t are sexually dictatorial, they don’t necessarily care what you feel after all it’s all about them. 

One of the advantage of the maelstrom is their very frail heart. They are the realest people because they hardly fake anything or feelings, they’ll give even their life up for you to have a life (they are givers), very hardworking, mundane and pure-hearted. 

Most men who end up with maelstroms in their life sometimes can’t even define how it all started. Now, this is the magic that happens. 70 – 80 percent of the time; a maelstrom first will be that good acquaintance, very kind and very cognitive; during conversations and chats you don’t have to be the wordily savvy or composed guy because often times she takes the initiative off you even at your most bereft state. 

For every holiday you may likely get a gift, souvenir or something at her behest and this makes her look caring. She continues with an endless shower of bailouts that endears you to an outward persona that necessarily doesn’t reflect the inner person. This is why 95% of people who date or have dated maelstroms never envisaged it in the beginning. The deal breaker appears to be their cowardly benign character.

THE MELLOW MAGIC – You could call her the ‘melodrama’, she’s the queen and also the drama queen, the mother of all emotions. Could be hot or cold and could be both at any time. If she’s a music-star she’ll likely be Beyoncé, Enya, or Rihanna, if she’s a movie-star trust her to be Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts or the legendary Marylyn Monroe, if you browsed through the bible for a character as hers you’ll most definitely find Queen Esther or Queen Bathsheba.

The greatest powers of the ‘mellow magic’ are Beauty, Seduction and Charm; some may possess one, two or all three of these powers… When they love; they love silently and when they fight they do it strongly but calmly and that’s where the magic comes from. If they are to kill you, they’ll rather dilute a drum of wine with toxin and poison and have you drink it for a whole year before you give up the ghost than kill you with a gun in just one second; a wild contrast to the maelstrom that'll kill you straight away; they are slow killers. 

They exude an intense persona reason why they hurt easily and do not easily let out their gut feelings. Falling in love with The Mellow-Magic is the easiest thing that can happen to any man, they need and almost have no profound intellect, and to get any man snarled they use their banal weapons as stated above; beauty, seduction & charm. They leave all the initiative to you while they flawlessly play the ‘woman role’ leaving you to be more caring, romantic and intricately falling.

Some of the most intriguing drawbacks for this category of women are the fact that they are stingy and cunny. They are not just parsimonious with material things or gift but with emotions (they bottle it up) so you may never know to what extent they love or care about you. They don’t reciprocate easily and are self-absorbed. They could keep a grudge till thy kingdom come and yet love you amidst all. Sex with them is like a timeless but dreadful encounter, because they don’t give out so much of themselves at a time maling you want to know more about her body with every new sexual encounter.

Men who have this kind of women in their lives are mostly those who fell in love at first sight or who were simply swept by the charismatic aura and the charm they exude; an example is King David and Bathsheba in the bible, he fell for Bathsheba's beauty and charm just from sighting her back view at first sight. You can never get it perfect with these women, the more you give the more you cave in and the moment you realize you are totally snarled you start to see them as a possession and not a partner and this ushers in the fatal instinct that may make her want to break loose of you or you, hence your delusion. They love gifts and flattering even if they can’t easily give these things, this is one way to get them down easily.

THE MECCA – She’s the holy land, a temple, a place of hope, love and inspiration, she is the unsung queen.  You could always see a mother in her persona, she’ll help you when you are most in need and most likely be the only one you could tell your deepest secret with utmost confidence.  If she’s a movie star she’ll be Audrey Hepburn, Rees Witherspoon or Meg Ryan, if she’s a songster she’ll be Mary J Blige, Sarah McLachlan or Whitney Houston, if you further checked for a semblance of her in the bible she’ll be Sarah, Mary or Ruth.

The only way to understand the Mecca is to be her kind of person, they love to meet and date people with intellect and this is because they are very intelligent people themselves. They are career driven people who do not believe in seduction but could be seductive. Some could be extremely or semi religious while some aren’t but free spirited, social and totally or semi friendly. Note: most ladies fall under these listed variant of the Mecca class. 

The powers of the Mecca’s are the inborn and deep rooted capability to blend with anything, they aren’t edgy so they can swim any ocean, and they are the most sublime of all female creature. Worthy to note is their zest and their excessive emotion. I must admit that of all three classes of women stated,found amongst them are the most romantic and the most emotional, they are the real lovers. They forgive easily and a kind attribute of them is their capability to play the role of a wife and mother both perfectly. 

When it comes to marriage or relationships, a mecca will endure 70 percent of the situations the Maelstrom and the Mello-Magic won’t tolerate. She’ll most likely be less prone to divorce unlike the Maelstrom or Mellow-Magic whose modus operandi gives them out as edgy and demanding.

A major drawback for this class of women is their overtly permissible character which gives them out as cheap and too subservient. Because they are intense people they could endure pain even when they could take an exit, worse is their ability to easily fall in and out of love for their partner; a trait they share with the Mellow-Magic. As loving as they are… they aren’t die-hard lovers that title belongs exclusively to the Maelstrom.

They get into relationships easily and 90 percent of the time through conversations that grows epically with time. The more you converse with them the more they get snarled on you, they don’t believe in love at first sight even if it could be a possibility in some cases. Let them solve your mere problems and because they are problem solvers they want to solve more.

Finally, I end with another set of names for these three categories which is THE DRAMA, THE DRAMA QUEEN & THE UNSONG QUEEN.


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BEN IYOHA: Is a Copywriter, Poet, Digital Media Strategist, Life Coach & a Free Thinker...

Connect on social media: @BENIYOHA01 | Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, & BEN EHIMEN IYOHA | Facebook, LinkedIn and Google+


  1. very educating... keep it up bro

  2. Very indepth, learnt alot from this article, thumbs ben

  3. I think i'm a mellow magic, never seen my self in this way until now, nice BEN, Can i meet you?

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